Reflections and Photographs 4
Title: Reflections and Photographs
Author:diebyownhands
Pairing:Frank/Gerard, Mikey/Ray (this pairing just sneaked up on me)
Rating:R
POV: Third Person
Summary: When angry we sometimes say thinks we don't really mean. "I wish I never met you", Frank never thought his boyfriends wish would come true.
Disclaimer: Not real
Authors Note Let's pretend it's friday ;). Thanks to mamoo13 for beta reading this. I messed around with some lyrics, don't hate me I just made the song fit the story.


prolog-1-2-3




My cigarette burns down as I stare at you. I imagine a matching ring around my finger. Stupid and impossible, why must I continue to feel this way?

You’re a dream an illusion, you’re not real, you are not real. Not who I’ve come to pretend you are, I don’t know you. I don’t know you and at almost thirty I should know better than to crush on a rock star. Impossible unattainable.

You are the sun to me, but to you I’m just an ant, just another face in the crowd, another fan yelling your name. Just this fan is more pathetic an old man yelling your name, dreaming of touching you.

Still I wish it were me you were singing at. I wish a part of you missed me the same way I miss you. Just like the swing set I feel a connection, who knows we are both Jersey boy’s, who knows maybe we once sat side by side on a bus.


Mikey had arrived home after ten am, the apartment was empty but Ray had called him in the morning. They talked to each other about nothing just being close through the phone for about an hour as Ray got ready for work and Mikey fought off the last webs of sleep.

He checked Gerard’s room though he knew his brother would be at work already. He was glad to see the empty bedroom; he felt he had a little more time before he lost his brothers trust. It felt wrong to enter the room with out Gerard’s permission, so Mikey just stood at the door.

Gerard walls were covered with posters from horror movies and commercials he had worked on. It looked cluttered but organized, it gave off the feeling off organized chaos, and it felt like Gerard. Mikey took a hesitant step in craning his neck to look at the corner of the room he couldn’t reach from the door. He felt his stomach tighten up into knots because that was the part of the room Gerard had dedicated to Pencey Prep, posters, cd’s, t-shirts and even a drum stick signed by Bob.

Gerard never had the chance to go to a Pencey Prep show. Sometimes Mikey had purposely sabotaged his chance, but usually work and life just got in the way. Mikey had always felt so lucky when this happened. Now as he looked at that corner of the room he felt like a monster. Why did Gerard love Pencey Prep so much? Because he felt the connection, and Mikey couldn’t deny that.

Mikey hated that because that connection would make Gerard’s heart so much easier to break. He stepped out of the room feeling sick with himself and with everything that had happened. He did what he did because he thought it was what was best for Gerard.

Mikey stumbled into his room trying hard to put his thoughts in order, trying to figure out what he should say to Gerard, when and where.

His hands searched through the top drawer of his dresser; he kept random things in there. There were flyers from when My Chemical Romance still existed; Mikey remember walking around town with Gerard placing flyers on walls and asking shops to put them up. He also had old ticket stubs, even a wrapper from the chocolate Ray had bought for him on the day they had kissed for the first time. Mikey moved all the trinkets and memories looking for a small velvet blue box.

He had thought so many times about getting rid of it, but he never could, it didn’t belong to him. Inside the box was a golden band. It’s was simple and beautiful. Mikey played with it slipping it over his ring finger, it’s was too big for him. He wondered if it would still fit Gerard, his brother had lost a lot of weight since the accident; it might be too big for him now.

The cool metal quickly warmed up in Mikey’s hand. It began to feel heavier and uncomfortable on Mikey’s palm. Mikey dropped it back into the box thinking it was time it returned to its rightful owner.

The only time Frank had visited Gerard, Mikey had noticed the ring missing on his finger. Gerard had his removed when he arrived to the hospital the nurse handed it to Mikey with all of Gerard’s personal effects. Gerard didn’t remove it voluntarily, Frank had.

Frank deserved to be forgotten; Mikey had no doubt about that. When Gerard had woken up and Mikey and Don were ushered out of the room. Mikey had run to call Frank, to let him know Gerard had opened his eyes.

Frank was distant over the line; he didn’t give Mikey a chance to explain anything.

“Your brother knows how to contact me; if he wants to talk to me he can call me.” With that Frank had hung up the phone.

Mikey dropped the box hard against the floor. He could feel the same anger he had felt on that day cursing through his body. It was obvious that Gerard didn’t mean to Frank as much as Frank did. Gerard really loved Frank; why else would he still feel so strongly for him?

Frank wasn’t Gerard’s only ex-boyfriend, a few had appeared over time, none had the effect Frank Anthony Iero had on Gerard. Mikey hated Frank, because with everything Gerard had gone through Mikey had done his best to keep his heart safe and now, now thanks to fucking Frank, Mikey had to break it apart.

-

This had to be one of the stupidest, most fanboyish things he had ever done. What was he thinking? He had work due, not only at the agency but for the comic, his meeting with Dark Horse was in a few days and instead of working he was standing outside the stupid studio surrounded by kids half his age hoping to get a glance at Anthony Iero.

He’d been here before sunrise, surprised to find already a handful of fans waiting by the doors. Later on securities had arrived instructing them to stand behind a barrier and giving out pink bracelets to the first hundred. Three hundred fans would be allowed in, but only the first hundred would be close enough to touch the band. Gerard was lucky twenty five.

Gerard checked the time on his phone, feeling more and more ridiculous as the minutes ticked away. At eleven forty five Gerard thought he’d be better off leaving. What if someone from work saw him on the show? He dismissed that, because even if they didn’t see him, he would surely brag about it.

He felt so old standing there between a fifteen year old boy and thirteen year old girl. He felt his I.Q dropping with every, “Oh my god” the girl said or really anything she pretended to pass off as English.

He kept thinking about leaving, but never did more than look at his watch. This was his one chance to see Pencey Prep and for free none the less.

At one, the thirteen year old girl gave up. She complained about being hungry and light headed, in her excitement she had skipped breakfast and sleep the night before. She was nice enough to give Josh, the fifteen year old, her bracelet. Josh called his brother Steve who was 23 and was just then leaving work. Steve was nice enough to bring Gerard and Josh some bottled water as well as hot dogs.

Gerard felt better standing next to someone closer to his age and things were made even better when he found out Steve was studying art. Time slipped by quickly after Steve’s arrival.

“I’d love to see your portfolio, if you have one.” Gerard said as he leaned against the railing.

“Of course, I do mostly photography though. Commercial Photography, I’ve had a few small jobs. My professor said he’d try and get me an internship at EGE, so I’ve been working on my portfolio, if you can give me some feedback on it I’d really appreciate it.”

Gerard smiled, because he worked at EGE and Patrick the photography director was a good friend of his. He liked Steve; he was very good looking with short ash blond hair and dark green eyes. Gerard had notice Steve checking him out, and now he had the perfect excuse to get his phone number.

“Here have my phone number, I work at EGE. I’ll look over your profile and pass it on to Patrick if I think it’s something he’d be interested in. If it isn’t I’d be happy to help you get it there.” Steve smiled at Gerard and Gerard had a hard time keeping his thoughts nice and good.

“No, way you work there? Shit this really must be my lucky day.” Steve saved Gerard’s phone number in his cell phone and took Gerard’s phone and saved his own on it.

Soon the doors where opened and in single file line the fans were allowed entrance to the studio. They were given some instructions from the producer and guided to when and where they should face. The show would be filmed live with a 5 minute delay. First there would be an interview, and then the band would play 3 songs followed by 5 fan questions and then the last two songs.

While the crew was testing out microphones and speakers, and what ever else they needed to make sure was working perfectly they asked the fans to write down a question with their names on it and hand it to the assistant. Five questions would be chosen randomly, but they wouldn’t take any inappropriate ones.

The lights deemed, Josh bounced on his heels and some girls shrieked. Derek, the host walked out. He talked to the crowd, repeated some of the same things the director and producer had and then introduced the band.

Steve grabbed onto Gerard’s jacket and Gerard took the opportunity to place his hand over Steve’s. Yes, Gerard was glad he’d chosen to stay.

Bob walked out first his blond hair covered by a black hoodie and his eyes downcast. A girl from the front row yelled his name and he shyly waved at her. Bob shook hands with Derek and sat next, his eyes scanning the crowd.

“Hey, Bob,” Derek said patting Bob’s back. “Where are the rest of the guys.”

Bob looked behind him surprised to find no one there.

“Sons of bitches” he mumble so quietly that only those in the front row caught it. Derek hands Bob a microphone that Bob places a little to close to his lips. “They…ah… were right behind me,…ah… they probably just hiding.”

“Bob is so cute,” Steve whispers in Gerard’s ear.

Gerard smiles watching how the drummer fidgets in his seat, “He was a behind the scenes guy, Anthony sort of pushed him into the lime light.”

“I know,” Steve says taking Gerard’s hand. “It still cute.”

A loud laugh/giggle is heard and then Frank runs out onto the stage falling onto Bob’s lap. Bob pushes him and calls him names, but relents the microphone with out a second thought.

“I’m sorry Bob,” Frank say’s between laughs. Gerard drops Steve’s hand, stepping on his tip toes to get a better look of the stage. He was standing on the third row, but there was an awfully tall girl in front of him.

The crowd laughs as Anthony is pushed off Bob’s lap. Gerard watches completely fascinated with Frank’s smiling face. He could hear that laugh for ever, a giggle and he didn’t care if grown men weren’t suppose to giggle Frank’s laugh was free and beautiful like a child’s. Gerard wished so much to be the one to bring those high pitched sounds out of Anthony, he wanted to reach over and help him stand, to pull him onto his lap and bury his nose in his dark hair.

The band is interviewed; the audience is silent applauding or laughing when necessary. Anthony is the one to talk the most. Sharing about touring Europe, about the New CD and a friends band he wants to take out on tour next fall.

“I can’t say the bands name because my friend asked me, not to say anything until he talked with the other guys.” Frank sucked his lip ring into his mouth. “It’d be great to tour with them, they are amazing. I haven’t seen them live I saw a video but…”

“Come on, you won’t even give us a hint?” Derek asks, hoping to get the scope.

“Nope,” Anthony shakes his head, then he signals to the rest of Pencey Prep. “I haven’t even told them.”

“Well can you at least tell us your friend’s name? How you met him?”

Anthony rested his elbows on his knees holding the microphone between his glove covered hands. “I was in a band with him. It didn’t last long, a few internal issues, but…that’s life.”

“Now, I was reading through the C.D and noticed that it say’s Frank Iero – Guitar and vocals, instead of Anthony.” Frank nodded his head as Derek showed the camera what he was talking about. “Well, is it a hell of a typo, or…”

“My name is Frank Anthony Iero.”

“I knew that,” Bob says gaining him self a shove from Frank.

Derek nods, “Why did you decide to use your first name now, on your third album?”

“It was about growing. When we started this band I was running away from my old life. I was drinking a lot and smoking a lot of pot.”
“A lot of pot,” Jeff the bass player agrees.

“I did somethings I’m not proud of and I wanted to change. I needed to disconnect myself from who I was. Now I’m ready to look at my past and say I’m sorry. I’m ready to be Frank Anthony. Not just Frank the dope head or Anthony the rock star.”

“Ok, well it’s time for a break, but stay with us because when we come back Pencey Prep will be playing us a few songs of their new album “Sweet Revenge” I hope you already bought it. If you haven’t – What are you waiting for?”

The band move on to the next stage, shaking some fans hands and receiving a few gifts. The audience shifted slightly to the write. Gerard was still beside Steve, but they were now on the second row.

Gerard was so excited that he could speak.

Frank grabbed his guitar and fixed his mic stand when he heard someone yell, “Anthony I love you!!” He looked up with a smile, a smile that died when he noticed who was standing next to the girl. Frank caught Gerard’s eyes, his mind racing to why after so many years was he there now.

The microphone stand he had been fiddling with fell, feed back screeched out and Gerard broke eye contact with Frank. Frank’s blood iced when Steve moved up to whisper into Gerard’s ear, Gerard pushed a few blond strands off the younger boys fore head.

“Look at me, look at me,” Frank chanted in his head. Jeff moved close to him and quietly asked if everything was ok. Frank nodded.

Just then Derek moved in front of them and announced they would be playing Dead.

The lights lowered and Bob began to play, Frank missed his cue and Jeff moved next to him again softly pushing him with his elbow. Frank took the microphone and Bob stopped playing unsure of what the hell was going on. The crowd was quiet a few murmurs were heard, but there was mostly silence. The producers ordered all cameras to continue rolling.

“I know Bob and Jeff will probably kick my ass for this, but I don’t want to play “Dead”.” Frank turned around waking back towards the drum set, Jeff followed him as they huddled up there.

Gerard looked towards Steve wondering what was going on. Steve shrugged, he’d seen them live a couple of times, but this had never happened.

Frank walked back to the microphone, “I’m sorry about that. My manager is giving me dirty looks, but I had to do this. This song goes to someone special”

Frank played the intro with Bob’s drums next and then his haunting voice.

I never meant to say goodbye forever
If I had we’d be together
You could always just forget me
But we could try

Because you were my world
And the last thing I said
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
I ran, I ran
Of all the things that I never meant to say
And all the times that are ever, ever
Ever

The never ending feeling
All alone and I regret it now
All the words I said, everything I didn’t say
I didn’t say

Because you were my world
And the last thing I said
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
I ran, I ran
Of all the things that I never meant to say
And all the smiles that I never got to see
Never coming home
Never coming home
I ran, I ran

And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar us
And all the words that for ever gonna hunt me

If you fall
If I fall (down)

Because you were my world
And the last thing I said
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming Home
Never coming home
Of all the things that I never meant to say
And all the words that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
I ran, I ran
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar us
And all the words that I never…

*I'm looking for pics of Frank to use for this if you have a fav you think I could use please let me know*

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