Reflections and Photographs 7
Title: Reflections and Photographs
Author:diebyownhands
Pairing:Frank/Gerard, Mikey/Ray (this pairing just sneaked up on me)
Rating:R
POV: Third Person
Summary: When angry we sometimes say thinks we don't really mean. "I wish I never met you", Frank never thought his boyfriends wish would come true.
Disclaimer: Not real
Authors Note Thanks to mamoo13 for being a wonderful beta! Thank you for everyones wonderful comments ♥
prolog-1-2-3-4-5-6


7


When Gerard arrived home, Mikey was asleep. Ray maneuvered his way off the couch without waking him up and signaled for Gerard to follow him towards the kitchen.

“He just fell asleep; he was worried sick.”

Gerard looked out towards the living room. His brother looked tired and nervous. He felt bad that he was the cause of it, but he also thought that in a way Mikey had brought it upon himself.

“I needed to breathe,” Gerard said.

“I know, but he was worried.”

Gerard nodded, and then stood looking at the floor as though it held the solution to something. Ray noticed this.

“You can ask me,” Ray said.

“How was it? Tell me how Frank and I were.” Gerard’s eyes held too many emotions, too much hurt; too much confusion. Ray couldn’t keep the gaze.

“You guys were in love with each other. I know you loved him; you were my … you are my best friend. You told me how much you cared from him. He cared for you too, but he was insecure and still very young. He was only 17 when you met,” Ray could feel Gerard’s stare lose intensity. He glanced up with a smile.

“He had just finished high school and his band was playing a show. I had to drag you with me. My brother’s friend was also playing that night, and Frank’s band was opening. No one had ever heard of them, except those that went to his high school, but he still stole the show.”

Gerard tried hard to remember, or to at least imagine, that night.

“Frank was the lead singer. I remember he did a stage dive and kicked you hard on the head. He stood next to you after, hopping on his heels with this huge smile, his eyes wide open, looking insane. I was ready to fight him because of how pissed you looked, rubbing the back of your head.”

It was easy for Gerard to imagine Frank’s face and his little hop; he had seen it that many times on YouTube. A smile broke out on his face, because of the many times he had dreamed that Frank would give him that smile.

“He offered to buy you a drink to make up for it, also saying that you should have been paying attention to the stage instead of talking to me. His logic was that then you would have been prepared for his jump. He always had a warped logic to everything. He really did piss you off, especially when he called you ancient.”

Gerard winced. If at twenty-two, Frank considered him ancient, what would he think of him at thirty?

Ray laughed, “You had the same face you do now, and you were so offended. Frank was unable to buy you the drink. They wouldn’t sell it to him.”

“He was just a kid…” Gerard said it more to himself than to Ray.

“Yes, he was. I think that is what caused most of your problems. You didn’t hook up with him ‘til a year after but he was still very young and insecure.”

“We fought at lot?” Gerard looked at Ray.

“Yeah, but it was all so childish. You have always been so drawn in, so shy and quiet hiding in your room with comic books and your drawings. He brought you out, and made you smile in a way I had never seen before. He made you yell and scream with so much passion, it was like he brought to the surface everything you put in to your art.”

“I wish I could remember.”

“So do, I.” Mikey’s voice surprised them. They hadn’t noticed him standing by the door. “Because then you’d remember that you would have done the same for me.”

Gerard brought his eyes up off the floor, feeling off guard at his brother’s sudden presence.

“I’m over it Mikes. Whatever your reasons, it’s in the past nothing we can do about it.” Gerard had finally accepted this, and he knew that being mad didn’t help. They now had to work through the consequences.

It was terrifying because there could be so many consequences, a few of then already displayed in front of them: the hurt, the disappointment. Some were still hidden, waiting for more shadows to show their true forms in order to accompany them out to the open.

How would the trust and faith that had to be rebuilt between the brothers hold up on the unsteady soil its foundation now lies in? It was beyond Gerard’s grasp, he could forgive, but asking to forget was too much. He was over the anger; he was over the taxing betrayal, he understood Mikey and he hoped time would help him get over the mistrust that had grown.

-

All it had taken was one call. One call and he had Ray’s address. He looked out the cab’s window, urging himself to get out of the car.

“Wer’ere” The driver sounded irritated, it was the second time he’d announced it.

Frank paid the fare and got out of the car. One step, two to go. One deep breath and he moved towards the building’s door. The door was locked. A buzzer was on the left of it, with instructions to press * if you didn’t know the code.

“Toro, Toro,” Frank whispered his eyes trailing over the names displayed. “Toledo, Torres…Urtado…hmm…maybe it’s under the boyfriend’s name?” He kept pressing the arrow, going down the alphabet hoping something would stand out.

#313 Way/Toro

Step two, turned into a step back, and now Frank stood back in the same spot were the taxi had left him. He inhaled, looking up at the building and counting the floors until he found the third floor. He looked at the windows. Which would be theirs? Some had blinds, some had curtains. Frank remembered that Gerard didn’t like window treatments; he liked to be able to look outside without obstructions. He liked having light shine in and out freely.

His eyes fell on a small window, its interior too dark to make out what was inside. If it had blinds, they had to be drawn all the way up because he couldn’t see any. He made up his mind. That had to be their apartment. Frank watched the window, hoping he’d get a glance at them, a peek at to what their life together was like.

A young girl stepped out of the building, the door closing slowly behind her. Before Frank could convince himself not to, he was running towards it, sliding in right before it closed. Step one: getting of the cab. Done. Step two: getting into the building. Done.

He took another deep breath,. He had to be calm. He had no right to be upset, no right to be jealous; not that he was, or at least, he wouldn’t admit to it. He was just upset, that was all. It was normal to be a little upset, to see that what you once feared most had come true.

“That is in the past.” Frank was again talking to himself. “I’m here to talk to them. Close that chapter, and ask for forgiveness. That’s all.”

-


“Hey! Hey! Why you ignoring me?” He pulled on the battered leather jacket.

“Let go,” Gerard pulled away.

Frank pulled his hands up in surrender, “Do you remember me?”

How could he ever forget him? It was as if the kid had been tattooed into his memory.

“Yeah.”

“Cool,” Frank smiled bouncing slightly on his heels.

Gerard scowled at him, he wished the kid would stop moving, he felt like holding him down by the shoulders, but he didn’t want to touch him. Frank looked too soft, too…yeah touching him would be bad.

Frank narrowed his eyes at Gerard, “You’re not still mad over me landing on you? Dude, really get over it. It was a show, shit happens. You need to let it go. Save it as an experience, because that is what life is: one big experience formed of tiny, funny, hurtful, and happy experiences. Plus, do, you have any clue how many people would be thrilled to have me on top of…”

Gerard placed his hand over Frank’s mouth. “You talk too much.” He turned around to keep looking through the books. His brother had come up with a great band name, and Gerard wanted to find the book that had inspired it.

“You’re still mad?” Frank trailed after him.

“It was over a year ago, I’m over it.”

“Kay, then let me buy you a coffee.” Frank grabbed onto Gerard’s arm.

“You sure you’re old enough?”

-
Frank decided for the stairs, but still he arrived too quickly on the third floor. Step three: knock on the door. Yeah, this would be a tricky one.

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